Not for Reference

Pondering place

  • Intention

    Not for Reference is an invitation for freedom of thought. Gathering information and exploring what your inner self concludes. The material is my own soul expression without the agenda of convincing or conniving others to think like I do. My thoughts may change over time based on my life experiences through this incarnation. We all…

  • Masks

    Reading time: 1 minute Knowing that my handful of readers know me causes me to hold back just a little bit. Out of fear of how their perception of me may change when I take off all the masks. The masks that have taught me what is acceptable and required to be deemed worthy. I…

  • Brave Authenticity

    Reading time: 3 minutes What is an author or writer? Do they think in prose? Do they delicately construct their sentences in a conversation to have multifaceted layers of meaning? Is every life experience material for their next writing session? As I pursue and entertain the dream of being a writer, these questions come to…

  • The Power of Choice

    I sit in my favorite space in the garden. On the retaining wall in front of the espalier lemon tree. The sun peaks over the house and shines directly on my face. A greeting, a kiss at the start of the day. I have been thinking of late of where my life has been and…

  • Letter to My unborn child

    I write from a place of primal desire and fear. Wanting to feel you in my womb and terrified of what you may experience as you grow. Wondering if my want is pure selfishness with no regard for what you will endure. The dichotomy is vast, and the fear is valid. Flashbacks appear of when…

  • Forgotten

    Reading time: 2 minutes There is a gap in my memory.Almost as if it is a forbidden past.No recollection, just empty spaceMemories that should be treasuredBut are only blackness in time. Why?Why were those memories so voluntarily sacrificed to the dark abyss of forgetfulness?My only conclusion is self-preservation for my sanity.Events that were not meant…

  • Lessons from the Garden

    Reading time: 2 minutes The morning fog is thick and has not cleared well into the morning hours. During the foggy days, I sit at the bar and drink my fuming hot coffee while looking out into the garden. From this vantage point, I can see the olive tree and the string lighting and of…

  • Meditation

    Reading time: 2 minutes During meditation, the thoughts passed through about how complicated we make the art of sitting in silence. From using guided meditations, apps, and timers. You can use those tools and they have their value, but meditation is a simple practice. One that does not require money or gadgets. One that is…

  • Continuous Pursuit of Spiritual Experiences

    Reading time: 2 minutes A spiritual awakening can feel like an intense dopamine rush. The curtains are opened, and you feel as though you can finally see clearly. The clouds have cleared, and you are connected to yourself and a higher purpose. What is not talked about as frequently is the ebb and flow of…

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