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What is an author or writer? Do they think in prose? Do they delicately construct their sentences in a conversation to have multifaceted layers of meaning? Is every life experience material for their next writing session? As I pursue and entertain the dream of being a writer, these questions come to mind. How can I embody the full personae to fake it till I make it. Even writing that sentence makes me cringe from the thought of faking it.

Instead I choose to be me and to show up with the insecurities and the doubts. To feel through what I have told myself and what the world has told me about who I am and how I need to be. To rewire and rewrite the narrative that lives in my mind. Not in fear of failing, but in spite of it.

Society tells us we have to show our faces only when we are ensured to have success. To fake it till you make it. To dampen the feelings and thoughts and fear. To not be authentic or present in your current existence.

Avoiding the discomfort robs us of the opportunity for growth and expansion. For most, it prevents us from even trying and instead the record continues that we are not good enough. We believe it, society continues to enforce it, and we remain stuck.

This blog has been a space for me to feel through the uncomfortable and the doubts. To wonder if the content is valuable or if I am just taking up space that is not mine to take.

I am sitting as an observer. Observing the thoughts and listening to the voice as though I am a loving friend. Letting her tell me why she is scared. The magic is in what is practiced in the after. Acknowledging the fear, but telling her it is okay, you are safe, you are worthy, and your voice deserves to be heard.

We do not need to be perfect or worthy to start. We do not need to believe what society, or our mind tells us about what is expected or who we are. We do not need to fake it till we make it.

We need to take the first step, show up as we are, and give ourselves the space to feel the way we feel. We need to be the compassionate observer of our thoughts. We need to learn the difference between what society tells us and what is real. We need to honor ourselves in our current state and show up authentically.

Authentic has been a buzz word as of late, but the philosophical Oxford definition is “relating to or denoting an emotionally appropriate, significant, purposive, and responsible mode of human life.” In this regard, the full human experience is authentic. The highs and lows, joys and sorrows, the confidence and self-doubt. The highlight reel is only a glimpse into what is the authentic human experience. When it is safe, overshare. We need it as a society. We need to see the complexities and the nuance. The observation of the authentic human experience teaches compassion for self and the collective.

I refuse to fake it till I make it. I choose to show up authentically. To be present in what I am feeling. To observe the emotions and tell that voice that I am safe and worthy to be heard.

If you are in my circle, I hope you will show up with your current authentic self. I want more than a highlight reel. I am here for real human connection. I want to hear the self-doubts, the fear, the pain, the struggle. I want to witness when the epiphanies happen and when you show yourself compassion. You are worthy and we deserve to hear your voice.

Continue pondering..

Gaillardia Be Brave