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Knowing that my handful of readers know me causes me to hold back just a little bit. Out of fear of how their perception of me may change when I take off all the masks. The masks that have taught me what is acceptable and required to be deemed worthy.

I am removing the masks. The masks of being the party girl that can drink people under the table, the funny one, the pessimist and cynic, the well versed, and the one that is never shocked and can take it all. The identities that have protected me and gave me permission to exist within the crowd.

The fear comes in observing what is left when the identities are stripped away. Who am I without them and will those that I love still love me back? Will they see my true authentic self and turn away in disgust. Will they understand why I need to be free of the facade and say, finally, there you are. Have they known all along she was there underneath it all? Or will I be left all alone.

I hope that I can recognize myself and can feel comfort in my own skin and the space that I am creating for her to breathe. To not be confined by the boxes acceptable to society.

My hope is that people will not have words to describe me. That I will not be attached to identities. That boxes will not be able to hold me and in turn, others will feel safe to remove their own masks.

What masks are you wearing?

Continue pondering..